I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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