my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Randomize
