I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize