Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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