Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
