Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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