i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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