I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
