Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
