We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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