AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize