Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
