Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
