im six kinds of drunk right now
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
