does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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