summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
