the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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