Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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