when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize