Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

you traded sex for a burrito?

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(410): View more from Maryland

:)

(443): View more from Maryland

Wipe that smile off your face.

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(951): View more from California

I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it

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(734): View more from Michigan

I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting

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(815): View more from Illinois

The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.

(928): View more from Arizona

wow.

(815): View more from Illinois

But it's a REALLY good back rub.

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(708): View more from Illinois

Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.

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(620): View more from Kansas

SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.

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(256): View more from Alabama

Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?

(1-256): View more from Alabama

Please shut the fuck up.

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