Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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