is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
