I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
