you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
