uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
