i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
