im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
