I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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