just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
