If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
