Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
