We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
