the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
