At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize