She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
