just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
