Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
