god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
