I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
ok first of all what the fuck
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
