hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
