Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
