i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
