I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
