Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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