Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
