whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
