He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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