Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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