I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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