At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
