Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
