Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
