I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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