One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
