i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
