No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
