Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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