She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
