for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
