We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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