So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
