I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
