no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
