Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
