I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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