did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
