Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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