i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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