fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You know, be my cock's hype man.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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