My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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