Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
