ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
