'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Who died my cat blue again?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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