So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
We have so much sex to catch up on
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
