bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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