Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
