So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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