Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
