Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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