Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
