I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
