I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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