I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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