quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
