Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
