please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize