I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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