Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
