I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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